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Teens contribute to civility after a family collaborates

They rob people of their identity by not processing their grief.



Online support has been given to a teen who yelled at her parents for naming her after her deceased sibling.

Teenager u/shallowthrowaways submitted her experience on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum with the intention of getting feedback from the “AITA” community. Over 5,000 people have upvoted and commented on the popular post.

In the beginning of her story, the original poster (OP) mentioned that she had had three older siblings named “John,” “Julia,” and “Jess.” But owing to health problems, Jess went tragically before the OP was born. The twins, John and Julia, were seven years old when Jess died.

The OP stated, “My parents were upset, and I was given the name Jess when I was born in memory of my elder, deceased sister. The problem was that the name was problematic because it was directly inspired by the deceased daughter. As a child, I always wanted to be friends with my older siblings, but they’re a good 7 years older and have seemingly already bonded with the original Jess, so they don’t really want to interact with me. Instead, they call me by my middle name or simply don’t refer to me at all. Even stranger, my parents celebrate my birthday with pictures of the original Jess and always appear to be about to cry when they utter my name. Don’t even get me started on my parents’ friends; they just keep giving me strange looks. They constantly bring up Jess; if I get a bad grade, they’ll talk about how Jess would’ve done so much better; or if I said I was feeling sick, they told me that I couldn’t be as sick as Jess was and to stop “faking it for attention.” I can’t live in the shadow of the original Jess, she said, adding, “It sounds terrible, but it’s real.

Her mother just discovered a letter from the OP’s previous school that had her middle name listed as “Anna” rather than Jess, which made her mother furious. The OP, according to her, was “ungrateful” and “ruining her sister’s image.” The OP claimed she “hated” using the name Jess and thought it was “stupid” that she was given the moniker during their disagreement. She exploded, declaring that she couldn’t continue to live in Jess’s shadow.

Despite the fact that the majority of her relatives and friends think she was incorrect, she values her sibling’s endorsement of “what needed to be spoken.”

As a result of everything her parents have done for her throughout her life, the OP informed readers that she adores them.

Newsweek contacted u/shallowthrowaways for a response.

What steps are involved in changing a name in the US?

Have you ever desired to alter your name but lacked the knowledge to do so? According to, you must submit the appropriate documents, such as a name change form and a decree, in order to officially alter your name. Bring the forms and any filing fees required by your state to the court clerk to be filed. After reviewing your documentation, a judge will probably approve your name change.

Whom should you inform of your new name? Be sure to update your social security information, get your driver’s license updated, and contact the bank or credit union that has your financial information, advises law firm Lynch and Owens P.C. Your employers and doctors are two other places that require notification.

Recent research has revealed that your name affects how people see you as a person.

“[Not the s**t] Not in the slightest. Sincerely, I find it very strange that they chose to name you after her. Because they hadn’t dealt with their pain, they stole you of your own identity, stated u/CrystalQueen3000 in the top comment, which received over 9,000 upvotes.

Why would someone name their youngest kit after an elder, deceased sister, [not the a**hole]? What kind of a reputation did your late sister have? She passed away when she was 4 years old. “Your parents are projecting unhealthy and stripping you of your own personality,” wrote u/Admiral Gecko.

“As a mother who has lost a kid, I can understand using that child’s name as a middle name for a new baby in the same way we respect other family, including those who have passed away,” U/Sweet Permission 700 retorted. An initial? Nobody should have anticipated that OP would use that name.

To be honest, you ought to have been harder and told her that you were sick of her naming another child. Jess as if you were her stand-in, despite the fact that Jess is irreplaceable and you are your own distinct individual. Change your name legally as soon as you turn 18 years old. That’s it!” shouted user Big Bang.

Not the a**hole, please. It seems like your parents were trying to raise you to be a carbon clone of their deceased daughter, which is terribly unjust to you. It’s awful that they have to deal with the death of a kid, but that doesn’t give them the right to neglect you personally. Maybe it would be worthwhile to attempt and have a civil talk with them? u/Anxious pagan remarked, “Explain your side of the story and make an effort to convince them that their actions are harming you.

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